Oh how I would make myself crazy. Trying to plan for ever possible contingency of what could happen. Occurrences that were highly unlikely would have pre-pre-prepared reactions and statements.
I would spend the night before having conversations in my head that never would occur. Or if they did occur they would veer off in a totally unexpected direction, never to get back on my rehearsed track. It left me frustrated, confused, befuddled, and silent.
Darn people never follow my script.
So then adopted a never do today what I can put off to the last moment policy. Of a deadline. Of studying. Of buying groceries. Of paying bills. I think of it as cyclic scheduling to minimize inventory in a batch flow.
People are corporations these days too.
Corporations equal people, ergo the inverse must be true.
That pesky trying to go to sleep time was minimized keeping rehearsal time scarce. Of course that leaves many hours to misspend on other distractions.
We all know the saga of idle hands.
The fact that all projects expand to fill the time allotted being taken into account, why rush to get it done. That only leads to time at the back end for unwanted and or unneeded revisions. Because people always feel they need to be doing something, why open that door to soil the integrity of my vision.
These days, since the things I want are few and far between, I rarely find myself in the big day ahead scenario. I have learned not to try to imagine what other people will say or want from me. I try to listen, then react once I know what is needed. My days as a mind reader and sayer of sooth are gone. I just relish and appreciate what is.
Restful sleep. Rising when I wake to endless possibilities. Breathing. Paying attention. Doing what needs to be done.
Not the stuff that would earn me a Boy Scout badge.
Badges. Badges. I don’t have no badges. I don’t have to show you no stinking badges.
But the endless wonder of what people say and do in the moment, rather than hearing and seeing what I think they are saying and doing or should be saying and doing, more than compensates for the lack of peer recognition.